Christmas break was a great time of relaxation with my family, a snowboard, and a few friends. I refused to bring my math book with me to the States and not once did I open a lesson planning document. I had time to rest and think about my time in Belize so far. I recognized several changes that needed to be made for this semester, and they’re well in place thanks to Grace! After reflecting on some of the things that I needed to do this semester, I realized that I would not be able to do it without some great financial help, so I started a fundraising campaign through letters. It has been very successful thanks to some wonderful friends and family! Because of the great help that I have received thus far, Lucia (one of my co-volunteers) and I were able to provide an overnight retreat for 25 Handmaidens last weekend.
The Handmaidens are girls from Mount Carmel High School whose mission it is to have a personal encounter with Christ, to pray for the school that everyone might have the same experience, and mostly to imitate Mary’s fiat (Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done to me according to your word” Luke 1:38). The retreat is somewhat of a secret for the girls who are initiated into the group (That kind of makes it sound exclusive, but it’s not that at all! We even have some Handmaidens who are not Catholic!), so I can’t spill too many details about it. What I can tell you is that 25 students, 3 teachers and a SOLT Sister went to Nabitunich (a retreat center near a Mayan ruin that is owned by one of the teacher’s brothers) overnight, during which people from Benque signed up for a specific hour to pray for the girls on retreat. After playing a couple of team building games, we prayed a walking Rosary to start the retreat, about which one girl reflected on when we started school again on Monday:
“There was this moment, it was a time when we went for a walk praying a Rosary. as I was walking I was thinking in all the problems that I have in my life and in all the struggles that I have to encounter everyday. I was the first one who came out of the house where we were in teh retreat. We went for that walking I was just thinking and thinking, I didn't know who was behind or beside me. My eyes and my mind were busy in another things. As I was walking, I noticed that I was at the very front of the crowd. In another words I was the leader. I turn my face back and I saw everyone following me. I didn't know that I was at the front. When I turn back I felt like, I don't know how to explain it. But it was a special feeling. I saw everyone following at me and I put my eyes in heaven and I say, 'God, who I am? Why is this people following me? Why me? Why all of a sudden I noticed that I am a leader?' There were lots of questions in my mind. I continue with the eyes on the sky after saying this words. Suddenly I saw a big light. It was a very beautiful light and from that light a white beautiful bird descended. I don't know if anyone else noticed that, but I do noticed it. I turn my eyes to my Rosary and I continued praying and I continued walking. But this time it was not only walking. I felt somebody beside me. Somebody which I didn't saw. But I knew that somebody was walking with beside me, leading all the crowd. It was awesome feeling that sensation. My heart was pumping peacefully. My eyes were full of tears and my hands were sweating. I continued walking until we arrived to the house where we were staying. I didn't tell nobody about this. Not for shame, but I wanted to conserve that moment fust for me. Now I share it in this paper hoping that the people who read it believe me and not laugh about it." (Taken directly from a religion class reflection paper)
Lucia gave a talk on what it means to be a Handmaiden after which we broke up into small groups. My group of 8 girls was very open and honest. Almost immediately the tears started flowing from many of the girls. It was beautiful. They were able to share their reasons for being on the retreat and how they wanted their lives to change.
Lucia and I had been running around like chickens with our heads cut off for the whole week prior to the retreat and went into the retreat with about 3 hours of sleep each. On the way there, the things that were coming out of our mouths were COMPLETE nonsense. After laughing at a couple of the ridiculous things that weren’t meant to be said, we realized that the whole retreat was going to be given by the Holy Spirit- because obviously we weren’t capable of making sense out of anything! It was a great reminder that through our weakness, Christ alone brings us strength. This is what I relied on when giving my talk.
I had never given a talk in my life, but I felt called to give one on purity- not chastity, but purity. The day before the retreat, I was talking with Mary, the other teacher going on the retreat, about what her talk was going to be on and realized that ours were very similar. I had less than 24 hours to come up with a new talk. In those 24 hours, Lucia and I had about 1,000,001 things to do, and my talk was not near the top of my list. Driving to the retreat I realized that I had almost nothing prepared for my talk except for my revised topic- Beauty. We gave the girls some time of prayer and reflection at the beginning of the retreat to think about what they wanted to get out of it. During these 20 minutes, I was able to prep my talk. I took my Bible (which I barely brought with me) and lyrics that I had copied the day before of a song by Danielle Rose called “Defining Beauty.” With these two things and the song on my computer, in 20 minutes, God created a talk. Now, many of you know that I am not the most articulate or eloquent speaker, but while I was giving this talk, the words flowed. Metaphors came that helped to clarify the meaning. If none of the girls understood a word I said, I at least was reminded what happens when I let go of myself and let God work through me. Nothing that I said was of me.
Some of the girls wanted to share their stories, so we had some group sharing. Through these stories and throughout the retreat, I began to feel the real hurt and pain of many of these girls. Many of the girls have broken families for many different reasons, but they each have been hurt through them. This is something that some of the girls spoke to me about on the retreat. They came to realize that even though a girl may be smiling and may not share it, just about every girl has felt some pain in their life.
Father John was supposed to come for adoration, benediction and the induction ceremony, but his nephew broke his arm badly, so he was caught up in Belize City for the night. Thank God for Sister Catherine who came for the exposition. I can’t say a whole lot about the time in adoration or the ceremony, but at end, we had 20 new Handmaidens (5 were inducted last year)!! I was so beautiful for them to make such honest promises devoting themselves to Christ in a new way.
After the ceremony, we all got comfy in our pajamas and Mary gave her talk on what it means to be a daughter of God/chastity. She was in the middle of a great story when one of the girls leaned over to me and pointing said, “Miss, there’s a rat over there.” I looked in the direction her hand was pointing and saw nothing, but then all of a sudden, a tiny field mouse starts hopping (the floor was very slippery for its little paws) around the room. Needless to say, the girls jumped up and started screaming and running around the room. It was so funny!! I almost felt bad for this little mouse. One of the brave new Handmaidens got a pillow and started chasing it, trying to sweep it out of the house. It took about 5 minutes for the mouse to evade Irma by diving into many of the girl’s personal belongings, but finally, Irma won. It took another 5 minutes to calm everyone down so that we could listen to the rest of Mary’s talk, but when she started again, the girls were entranced with the things she had to say.
After the last talk, the girls were free to do whatever their little hearts pleased as long as they stayed in the room we were all sleeping in. Some girls swear that they saw La Llorona (a Latin legend) and because of that, some girls almost begged to pray a rosary. Praying a Rosary at 1am is very difficult, I found. I stayed up playing games and talking with many of the girls until about 2:30am. Somehow, at about 6:30am, some of the girls felt that they were well rested and started telling jokes that woke the rest of us up. 3 hours of sleep again. We found another “rat” in the morning, and after shooing it out, we cleaned up and got ready to walk 1.5 miles to Mass back in Benque with all of our bags. Some girls complained (probably because they were so cranky due to lack of sleep), but finally got over it. We made it to Mass with perfect timing and afterward, we made the Handmaiden promise in front of the tabernacle, said the Magnificat, and received individual blessings from Father Mark. Some of the parents and relatives were there in witness and support, which was very powerful for some of the girls.
Afterward, the Knights of the Immaculate (the guy’s version of the Handmaidens) threw us a congratulatory surprise party with party poppers, confetti, signs and cake! It was so great! This also meant a lot to the girls to know that they were supported by their peers.
On this retreat, Lucia and I were able to see that there is so much hurt and pain in these girls. We know that an overnight healing is not practical (unless by the grace of God), so now we know what the rest of this year can be devoted to. We now have a better direction with this group of girls.
I would like to give a special thank you to all of you who financially helped with this retreat and those of you who have devoted yourself to praying for the Handmaidens. You made this retreat possible and a great success. You have contributed to the growth of these girls. You have brought souls to Christ. You have provided an opportunity for girls to have a personal encounter with Christ. In this, you share in the mission of the Handmaidens. Thank you.
