Words escape my mind. They are formed in mind as clear as water, but come out as clear as mud. My heart has its own laboriously sculpted longings that can be written anywhere but down. When down in graphite or on in this 12 Courier New typeface, my words lose the intention contracted for them. It’s as if reading a memo from the boss, hoping that their lighthearted humor is plainly just lighthearted humor and not an ill attempt at sarcastic frustration. Meaning becomes lost in translation. It’s been a struggle that has pained me throughout my life, throughout my 6th grade creative stories, throughout my 27 page senior philosophy of education paper. I make my main points and ideas clear enough, but the reader is undoubtedly missing my passion.
Please do not misunderstand this as an attempted act of humility. Rather, my reason for this explanation is to let you, the reader, know that I will not be able to easily communicate my experiences in Belize. I will try my best to give insights to my experiences and changes that are as clear as my thoughts. You will read my story and share in my experiences, but I must remind you that I am that 6th grader, that college senior who cannot communicate clearly the story of life. Pray that God works in and through me during my time in Belize and in this blog, that I can clearly share a story of love.
At this point, my mind, heart and soul need to be changed. I cannot go to Benque with the sincere belief that I am there solely to teach at Mount Carmel High School and to help the community and to give of myself. I know that while in Benque, I will receive; my mind, heart and soul will be changed, not by my hand, but by God’s. I invite you to follow along in this journey set before me. I invite you to witness my experiences, my ups and my downs, as they change me. I invite you to become aware of your own experiences as they change you. I invite you to change with me.
A further and more full explanation of my mission will come in the next post. In the meantime, please pray for this year’s missionary staff, especially my friends Molly and Sean, and for the people of Benque Viejo del Carmen, Belize.
I’d like to give a special shout out to the 6th grade staff at Atchison Middle School for helping me to come up with the title for this blog. It’s meaning may make itself known in the coming months if an appropriate circumstance presents itself. I surely hope not. My deepest gratitude Mandi, Annette, Katie, Lacy, Michelle and Erin for your way with titled words and constant encouragement in this endeavor. All my love.
One last note:: My mom will be throwing a “surprise” going away party for me later this month. It would have been a successful surprise if she hadn’t asked for all of the addresses of my friends in the 505. Kudos, Mom… I’ll keep anyone who’s interested posted with the dates.
